The words that we use to convey that honor matter. We may be playing at medieval people, to some degree or another, but inside of those medieval clothes is a modern person who deserves to be honored in a way that truly makes them feel seen and cared for.
In the Midrealm, we have standard texts for the scribe to follow. It's not a requirement for them to use it, but it's a good starting point, and it allows new scribes to put an appropriate text on a scroll without having to also be a wordsmith and poet as well as the calligrapher.
We also have ceremonies. Ceremony is important. Ceremony is something that knits humans together. It's something that we use to mark prestigious or momentous occasions, to give gravity and weight to a situation, to grave a precious moment in one's heart.
The last thing we want when etching a moment on someone's heart is to show them through our language that we are dismissing or ignoring a fundamental part of their self.
As modern recreationists, we need to remember that gender is not a binary state. That people are not sorted into "woman" and "man" with nothing in between. That you cannot assume that because someone fits our common conception of what a specific gender looks like, that they are that which we assume.
Language matters. Yes, calling someone "Milady" or "Milord" sounds courtly, it sounds medieval, and it does lend to the feeling of being transported back to the medieval period. But if you do not KNOW that someone is a "Lady" or "Lord", you should be prepared with language that doesn't assume their gender. It's just polite. And as the voice of the Crown, we should ALWAYS remember our manners when acting as their messenger.
It gets harder when you're reading a script. It's not easy to switch from the passive state, in which you are conveying words already written down, to an active state where you must modify your language on the fly. When you're reading a generic scroll text, and it says "he/she", which do you pick? Knowing that gender is not binary, there's going to be an occasion in which no matter which you pick, you will be wrong.
And in being wrong, in passively choosing to convey that honor with language that ignores the dignity of the person receiving that honor, you take that precious moment that the Crown wished to give to that person, and you grave on their heart a wound where the Crown wanted an accolade.
This is why, when I was creating the Field Manual, I worked very hard to degender the scripts and the scroll texts. Instead of "he/she", "him/her", "his/hers", etc, I used singular "they/them/theirs" wherever possible.
And before you try to tell me singular they is grammatically incorrect, stop. It's not. Not only is it correct, it's MEDIEVAL (source).
In correcting the scripts that we use for our most precious occasions, I noticed also that much of the text also referred to "King" and "Queen" where "Sovereign" and "Consort" would do just as clearly, and not assume that we will always have a Sovereign who desires a male-gendered title, or a Consort who desires a female one. We are already used to using "Crown" to refer collectively to the royal rulers, and "Tanists" to refer to their Heirs, and I brought that wording into the stage directions of the ceremonies in my book, too.
Our ceremonies for the recognition of those who have previously reigned, those whom we honor with the titles of Count, Countess, Duke, and Duchess were much harder to degender, and in the end, I could not do it with graceful language. To my knowledge, there is no gender-neutral word that conveys the concept of "person who has ruled over a Kingdom (once, or more) as Sovereign or Consort." The ceremonies are specific to the role of former Sovereign and former Consort and should not vary based on the gender of the recipient. Since these honors are always given to someone who is expecting them, I hope that the herald or the recipient would give the wording some thought to make sure that the ceremony accurately reflects whichever gender identity they have. I replaced the words "he" and "she", and their analogs, wherever appropriate, but left in the actual titles of Duke, Duchess, Count, and Countess.
If you have suggestions for elegant, gender-neutral language to convey this concept, I am open to suggestions!
In making these adjustments, it is my hope that, as heralds, we can be more inclusive in our language. We can convey the honor, care, and love that the Crown has for Their people. We can be more confident that we are part of etching happy memories on the hearts of the gentles that we have the privilege of calling to the dais.
With just a few small changes, I made the choice to include EVERY GENTLE in the words that knit us together. We should all be working very hard to make choices that honor each person for who they are, and this was my small part to further that goal.
